Friday, October 30, 2009

Quote of the Day: Jay-Z

Jay-Z just got a whole lot cooler:

"I know a couple other guys were singing and they won't say it, but I'm man enough to say that Fergie's 'Big Girls Don't Cry,' Crap! I would sing that in the gym."
– Jay- Z, manning up to working out to the pop star, to HuffingtonPost.com

“Celebrate 10 Years of Britney”

In celebration of Brit-Brit’s 10 years as a pop star, her label is releasing all of her number-ones on a new album, in stores November 10.

I can’t believe it’s been 10 years. I feel sort of old. Granted, I was a freshman in high school when Britney’s “Hit Me Baby One More Time” hit the airwaves. I remember instantly hating her, mostly because of her orange-tinted skin on that album’s cover. (Though despite my public disdain for the pop singer, my toes couldn’t help tapping and my hips swaying whenever the song came on the radio.)

The next year I called into a radio show to try to win her new album by singing “Oops...I did it again” to the DJ. Honestly, I failed at it...and then the damn DJ put my failure on the air. I hoped no one would hear it. Alas, an obnoxious senior chased me down the hall the next day screaming, “I heard you on the radio after school yesterday in the pottery studio!” I was mortified. Regardless, “Oops” is still one of my favorite songs.

As a responsible adult, I feel it’s okay for me to admit my love for Britney (as I’ve proclaimed here before). And to listen to her music. Because if I was 15, I can’t imagine my mother would be okay with me listening to her latest single, “3.”

It’s catchy as hell. I can’t wait to dance to it in my room when I download it later tonight, actually. But the lyrics are a) stupid and b) perverted. It’s like the musical equivalent of “Gossip Girl” -- made to target teenagers yet completely inappropriate. I love it the way it sounds, though.

The video was just released today. It’s a bit lackluster, and probably banking on the popularity of Lady Gaga’s hyper-sexual videos---which is working for her, that’s for sure.

Long live Pop!



Thursday, October 29, 2009

Ordinary day

You know, I keep intending to blog and I just don’t feel like I have anything to say that anyone would want to read right now. I have turned into a bit of a hermit, spending all of my time either in the office or in my apartment (or on the subway commuting between locations). I visit with my friends, but I haven’t had the motivation to venture out to do things. I even skipped a race I was supposed to run last Sunday morning, effectively dashing my 2010 marathon dreams (my foot really hurt and running five miles on it would have been a stupid thing to do).

I spent last weekend watching cheesy Halloween movies on ABC Family and working on my first freelance proofreading project. I visited with my new roommate, who will move in this Sunday, and 50% of my meals in the last week have consisted cereal or oatmeal (or pumpkin pie). I feel pretty bored with everything: my clothes, my life, and even food.

I’ve been working on a new project for my bosses, completely unrelated to what everyone else is doing. I’m writing a treatment for a new TV series to be pitched to a network, which is pretty interesting work. And so far I’ve gotten positive feedback from my bosses.

I’m halfway done with the first draft of my novel and have the rest of the scenes still-to-be-written mapped out. I’m going to go home to Anchorage for Christmas, and hope to be ready to start editing it by then. (Half a novel to be finished in just over a month? I think I can do it. I just need to find the motivation.)

Overall, things really have been pretty boring lately. I have managed to find a book that I really love, though. It’s called The Last Days of Dogtown by Anita Diamant, author of The Red Tent. It’s not a long book, but it’s a satisfying read and one of the first in a long while that I’ve found myself actually excitedly anticipating getting back to each day. I’m a little sad that I’m almost finished with it, but I think it’s destined to be one of those that I’ll read again one day.

Now back to your regularly scheduled day.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Work!

Well, I try to avoid talking about work on my blog whenever possible. But the trailer for the show I've been working on with my company for the last 6 months is FINALLY going to air this coming Monday, October 12 on MTV at 10:00pm.

Here's the trailer (I love it!):
<a href="http://www.mtv.com/" target="_blank">DJ AM's 'Gone Too Far' Addiction Series Trailer</a>

For those of you who don't have cable, I think MTV is planning to put full episodes on their website, so I'll be sure to link to those when (and if) it happens. This show is SO good. I'm so proud to have worked on it! Everyone has worked their tails off for the last 6 months. Adam's death was a terrible time for everyone, too. So so sad. BUT so excited that the show is actually going to air and hoping that it will help others who struggle with addiction.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Bluesday

I’m coming down off of my “decision high,” otherwise known as those few days where I was swimming in a great sense of relief. But now I have to wait for 6 months to carry on. I hate waiting and I knew this was going to happen. I’m suddenly back to feeling somewhat restless and frustrated. I have to find a new roommate, which hopefully won’t be too tough because I’ve gotten a decent number of responses so far from my latest craigslist ads. I just hope I actually click with one of the people. Surprisingly, most of the people who are responding are significantly older than me — 30, 35, even one 45 year old. Call me crazy, but I hope I don’t have to still have a roommate by the time I’m 30. But I’m open to having an older roommate, especially since all of my roommates this year have been younger than me. Of course I won’t necessarily be living in NYC by the time I’m 30, either.

It was kind of exciting trying to sell everything and reorganizing the apartment. Now I’m just sort of feeling “blah,” and not quite sure what to do with myself. I guess this is a time where I should be concentrating on writing and running and doing things I enjoy. What I really want to do is go shopping and buy clothes that actually fit me. Nothing fits! This is not good considering that I’m actually trying to save money. I’ve been trying to do different things with my clothes to make them more trendy, but nothing’s really working. Not to mention the fact that I’m much smaller this fall than I was last fall, and I plan on keeping it that way. But everything is too big around the hips and the waist. I know there are a lot of people who tell me to shut up, and that this is not the worst problem to have, but it really is when you can’t afford to buy new clothes. I can’t even take in a lot of the things I like because they’re sweaters or tees or dresses ... It’s just awkward. Anyway, I’ll shut up now.

I’m hoping to start interviewing/showing the apartment to roommates this weekend. It would be great to find someone soon—there are a two in particular that I think I’ll like. Even though I should be enjoying living alone, it just feels weird not to have someone else there after 10 months of having a roommate.

Well, I suppose I ought to get on with my day.





Monday, October 5, 2009

Moving forward...

At last! A decision!

I’m waiting until my lease is up in May before I leave NYC. This is a very adult and responsible decision on my part, but I’m excited. I’m going to be able to start really saving money this way, which is a good thing. So now I’m looking for a roommate and hoping that I’ll be able to get some freelance proofreading work as well, and all of that money will be saved for my big move.

I’ll also be able to wrap up my life here, and won’t have to worry about who’s staying in my apartment and what’s happening to it. My mom also reminded me that my step-brother is my guarantor on my lease and I don’t want to put him or his credit in jeopardy by having a potentially sketchy subtenant. (I’m trying to be a good sister here!) I’m also going to continue working on my mom’s website (we officially bought the software for it—I had been working on a trial version of DreamWeaver for a while), so maybe I can turn that into some kind of freelance or independent work too. Hey, it could happen! There’s nothing I’d love more than working for myself. Some day, some day...

I had been hoping to leave November 1, but that’s just too soon. As ideal as it was, I would literally be dropping everything. And in the end it wasn’t the smart move to make. Waiting until May I will be able to properly wrap up my life. I’m also able to run the last four qualifying races that I need to get into the 2010 NYC Marathon! Something I’ve wanted to do for the last 2-1/2 years. I registered for the four, and I just need to volunteer for one. I’ll leave in May, train all summer, and come back to the city in November for the race. That. Will. Be. Amazing!

So, it’s Monday. I don’t feel good today. I think I’m getting sick again — a lot of people are, so I’m not surprised I suppose.

Onward and upward!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Prepping for a Great Adventure

I refuse to lead a boring life.
I do.
I absolutely refuse.

That being said, I’m planning my escape.

That’s right, my escape.

I’m going to escape New York.

I hesitate to say “for good” because I will always be drawn to this place.

But I’m bored. My life has gotten excruciatingly boring. I don’t have the money to do a lot of the things I want to do. And I don’t have the energy or the time off to do a lot of other things that I want to do. Maybe I could muster the energy, or take on a second job, but the simple fact of the matter is that I’ve done most of what I’ve come here to do and it’s time for great adventures in other parts of the world.

I’ll start in the southwest. And where I’m going to plant myself will be equidistant from places I want to explore: the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Phoenix, Santa Fe, Colorado, and Mexico. I want to talk to different people, take science classes, learn about the native cultures, hike, ski, eat Tex-Mex... And I’m going to do it. Finally.

I only have a few hurdles to overcome. The first, and most major, hurdle is trying to sublet my apartment to a responsible, trustworthy person who can guarantee rent money on time. The second will be trying to find a good time to leave my job, especially since our new series is supposed to air soon, but keeps getting pushed back. I’m stressed to the max and having at least one, if not three, anxiety attacks per day. I’ve already started selling pieces of furniture. My roommate moved out quickly, before I even told her I was leaving, and now it’s just me in my apartment for the rest of this month. If I can make it out by November 1, which is my goal, I’ll be sitting pretty. If I can crash with a friend for a week or two and work for one more paycheck while not paying full rent, that would be fantastic, but I’m not counting on that happening. For one, I don’t know anyone who would let me crash with the for two weeks without paying rent. And two, I don’t know who would be able to take care of Emmy cat if I did that.

Anyway, I have a lot of things to figure out. Most of them have been figured out. But for those of you who were wondering what my “surprise” was that I was hoping to have decided two weeks ago, this is it. Something in my life didn’t work out, so I’ve decided to go and live my dream. Because I’m 25. I’m single. I know how to live on nothing. And there’s no other time in my life when I will be able to do this.

Don't worry, I'll be blogging about it the entire way through. I can't wait!

(Now fingers crossed that it will all work out and I can leave sooner rather than later. I would prefer not to wait until May when my lease is up. But it's a possibility.)

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Violence

I was once choked. Another kid did it. An older, bigger kid. A boy. He used two hands. He grabbed me by the neck, forced me into a corner, and forced me to the ground, all the while choking me. He didn't stop choking me until his younger sister ran up behind him and screamed for him to stop. I remember not being able to say anything, or make noise of any kind. He was my sister's friend. I remember the choking so vividly. I was probably about 9 years old. It hurt like hell even though it didn't last long, maybe only 10-20 seconds. I thought he was joking at first until he started to squeeze harder and harder. My cheeks get red just thinking about it, and I haven't thought about it in quite a while. When he finally let go he pushed me backward, like someone in a movie might do. I remember looking up at him, expecting him to smile, tell me he was joking. Instead he just looked at me with so much anger. We were all playing tag. I grabbed his white tee shirt by the shoulder. As he tried to run from me the shirt stretched, the neck completely out of shape by the time I let go. I laughed hysterically and pointed at him. No one else saw this.

It seems like a strange thing to get so angry about, my laughing and his shirt, but he was 12 and raging with hormones. Who knows what he was dealing with in his home life. I'm not excusing his choking me. It was a traumatic event. I remember sitting there for a long time after he left, his sister staring down at me for a moment and then running off to find the others. She wasn't that concerned. Maybe because she lived with him. Maybe he was violent toward her too. I sat there, alone, wanting to cry. Thinking I would. But I never did. I just rubbed my neck, stayed crouched in the corner until someone shouted my name minutes later. I vowed never to piss him off again.

I have never really faced violence. I think that scares me even more than if I had to relive a particularly violent episode over and over. I think of the millions of women around the world who have been raped or beaten within an inch of their lives. I wonder how they sleep at night. (Let alone how their attackers sleep at night, but that's another topic.) How they go out and face the world. I'm lucky to have never really faced any particularly violent situations.

Such a macabre tone to this post. I just remembered the choking incident on the way home. I was thinking about some new pieces I'm working on. I probably think about it once or twice a year. The new stories and the characters I'm working on both encounter violence--one ends sort of comedically (that sounds sick, doesn't it?), the other definitely not. I started thinking about the choking because I was asking myself why I felt needed the violence in my stories. I was thinking about why I would dare write something that I know nothing about, have never encountered. I've never physically struggled to get away from someone. I've never been put in a situation I couldn't physically get out of, and for that I'm so so lucky.

Last year my sister told me she slapped me once--hard. She said she has always regretted it and always felt guilty about it. I don't remember this incident at all. During my sophomore year of high school my sister decided to pick on me and push my buttons while we were waiting for our mom to pick us up. She kicked me and hit me and called me names. She pushed me as far as I would go and suddenly I snapped. I spun around and punched her hard in the clavical. I remember the way her bone felt against my knuckles. All 110 pounds of her (compared to my 150) went flying backward with my rage. I dropped my bags and screamed "You wanna go? Let's go!" It was a really ugly time in both of our lives. Even though I can remember everything from what I looked like (baggy grey tee-shirt, drawstring khaki pants, fake Doc Martin sandals with socks, and my purple letterman jacket, my straight light brown hair in a bob with the bangs pinned back) to the light in the room (flourescent and solid, not flickering or buzzing) and the way the high school foyer smelled and the way every single kid cleared the room when we started screaming at each other... my sister doesn't even remember the incident.

I think humans are inately violent. I think we want to hurt each other. Well, maybe not hurt each other per se. I think our instinct to hurt each other is in part self-preservation and part survival of the fittest. But extreme acts of violation, such as rape, don't register for me. I don't understand it. I don't think I want to. There are clinical explanations of why these things happen, but it's all so sterile.

I think I need to wrap this post up, otherwise I might just fall into a dark cravasse. I might take my characters to places they don't need to go. And places I don't need to go.

Stay safe,
LG

Friday, September 18, 2009

Review: Best Friends Forever

I just reviewed Best Friends Forever over at Pop-Thoughts. I feel bad because I love the author...but the book just was. not. ... well, you'll see.

Click here
to read the review.

A Fashion Do-Not-Ever!

This is not just a "Fashion Don't," this is a "Fashion DO NOT EVER!!!"

Spotted: Several different men at different locations throughout New York, primarily TiBeCa, sporting too-short trousers, usually with a matching suit jacket and no socks with dress shoes. NOT OKAY!

I snapped this pic on the way to work yesterday, at least the second one I've seen this week and perhaps the sixth I've seen in the last two months:

Dear God, I hope this isn't becoming an actual trend.